I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
