There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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