I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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