dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
