My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
