I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
