That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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