I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
