i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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