NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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