Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
