May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
