Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
