so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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