ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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