One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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