The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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