If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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