My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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