Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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