I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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