Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
