Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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