I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
