I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
