Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
