Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
