His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize