Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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