I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
