How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
