My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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