well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
