Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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