Someone shit on the floor
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
