too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
