you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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