that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
