All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
