OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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