I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
