good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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