If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
