If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
