I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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