So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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