My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
