shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
vagina is talking i cant
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
