just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
