I must be too annoying 4 u.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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