The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
