So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize