I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
