Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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