she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
