all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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