NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
