i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
