i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
