I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
