my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
