Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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