You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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