Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
