But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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