Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
