Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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