apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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