Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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