some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
