Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
