bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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