glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
