I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
