What a fucking waste of an outfit
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
