Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
