Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
