I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
