I just cut my nipple shaving
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
