How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize